So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
