The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
