why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
