It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize