Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I still have a little drunk in my system
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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