So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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