how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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