This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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