I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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