Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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