The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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