your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
