Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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