The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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