I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
