did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
