a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
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