are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There r osticjed everywhere
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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