How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
