Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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