So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
