she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals