oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
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We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
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He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.