Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.