Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!