Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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