you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
