This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
