Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
