i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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