My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
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Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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