Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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