Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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