Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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