Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
