My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
