What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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