dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
