My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
