i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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