it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
