I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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