I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
