I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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