if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize