atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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