WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
