That's intense
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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