today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
