FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I look better un-naked...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
