well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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