I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
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I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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