I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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