I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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