i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
