I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
