I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
