I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
