I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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