Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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