you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
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He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
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Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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