Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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