Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize