You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
